earrings by Meara Maccabee

once i had a panic attack about earrings.
like, full-blown hyperventilation, crouching in a corner, heart exploding into my throat,
electricity under my skin,
absolutely knowing 100 percent that i was about to die (even though i knew 100 percent that i wasn’t about to die.)

i panicked because i had taken my earrings out
and i didn’t think i would be able to get them back in. you can laugh, because it’s fucking ridiculous.
i have changed my earrings hundreds of times
but for some reason i had this horrible feeling that
i had made a huge mistake. that i should have just left my earrings in even though they were fake as hell and
made my ears turn green.

that’s how i felt with him.
he was fake as hell and his only contribution
to our relationship was a car his mom paid the bills on.

but when i finally gave up on him i had this horrible feeling that i had just made a huge mistake.
that i should have just stayed. that my ears may have been turning green but at least i wouldn’t be alone.