Someday I’ll Love Elaine Mei by Elaine Mei

after Frank O’Hara/Roger Reeves/Ocean Vuong/Dean Rader

Someday 
I’ll love Elaine Mei
the way a dictatorship loves its elections
or perhaps I’ll love myself the way
Mr. President loves Coke
the way Coke loves 
Don’t worry
be happy!
because happiness is not 
a butterfly it is
a warm gun
a cockroach wedged in the drain
stubborn
imposing
wholly inconsiderate
of the space he takes on the subway to work
Someday
I’d like to take that space on the subway
I’d like to buy the world a Coke
look Britain straight in the eye
and clink our bottles to the red sky
but do not be mistaken
this is not camaraderie
this is not friends being friends
this is dominance
this is the prisoner’s dilemma
this is my empire against yours
Someday
I am afraid I’ll love myself
and mistake it for self-love when in truth
I have gone too far
because doesn’t it feel good to have a love that’s gone too far when
you’re used to a love that struggles to go the distance

a “my love is better than your love” kind of love
an “America spoke and they chose me” kind of love
because wouldn’t it feel good if America chose me
tell me
why do I need to beg
why do I need to get on my knees
for my country to choose me